'No' can be a complete sentence

Nine years ago, a member of my self-help group commented, "If you're not meditating at least 45 minutes, it's not benefitting you," just as I had shared that I'd achieved a 30-minute daily meditation routine.

His words deeply affected me, leading me to a pause in my meditation for several months.

This wasn’t the only time he provided unsolicited advice. When I mentioned considering plastic surgery for an abdominal scar and hernia removal, he again eagerly voiced his opinion. I decided to confront him.

"I feel upset when you offer unsolicited advice. Please stop,” I told him.

His puzzled expression prompted me to add that such frequent advice could hint at controlling behavior patterns, often seen in codependent relationships.

This experience underscored the importance of setting boundaries without over-explaining or justifying them. By feeling obligated to provide reasons, we can unintentionally grant others undue influence over our decisions. Boundaries are there to protect and empower us, and sometimes a simple "no" suffices.

Interestingly, I didn't feel the need to attach a consequence to my boundary, and as anticipated he refrained from offering unsolicited advice thereafter.  

Reflecting on that interaction, it marked a significant evolution in my self-awareness and self-respect. Through a Freudian lens, my boundary-setting challenges may have stemmed from unresolved subconscious conflicts or defense mechanisms that once served to protect me—perhaps giving rise to behaviors like denial, projection, or repression. These group meetings and therapy sessions were instrumental in fortifying my sense of self.

Today, as a coach, I champion the importance of boundaries. They're tools for safeguarding our autonomy and needs, not instruments of control or manipulation.