Lessons from the smoker's pit: finding belonging in unexpected places

At boarding school, the smokers' pit was my oasis. This corner, designated for students with permission to smoke, pulled me in despite my lack of official sanction. It began with a shared cigarette, marking not just the start of my nicotine journey, but also my plunge into a new community.

Nestled under the trees outside the dining hall, the pit transformed post-mealtime into a lively hub. Here, amidst wafting smoke, students from diverse backgrounds gathered, sharing stories and laughter. The pit wasn't just about smoking; it was a conduit to unexpected friendships and dialogues. It was also a place of subtle observations and, occasionally, flirtatious exchanges. Phrases like "Do you have a light?" or "Can I bum a cigarette?" often opened doors to deeper, more meaningful interactions.

Over time, cigarettes became more than a habit; they were my ticket to a social life.

Yet, 30 years later, karate, 12-step groups, and dog walking groups have replaced smoking areas, fulfilling my need for community, and belonging in healthier ways.

Looking back though, the smokers' pit was a formative chapter, teaching me about relationships and belonging. It's a reminder that while our avenues to connection may evolve, our need for it remains.

Ironically, I sometimes joke that cigarettes were healthier than social media...