Charting the course to self-love: my 90-day journey of personal transformation

In August 2013, while confiding in my life coach, I expressed my ambition to embark on a 90-day journey of self-love—a self-imposed vow to refrain from contacting an ex-partner.

The spark for this idea came from a site visit to a shelter in Providence, Rhode Island, where residents commit to a 90-day contract focused on sobriety and personal accountability. I thought, if those wrestling with addiction could demonstrate such steadfastness for 90 days, couldn’t I find the same resolve for my own well-being?

Thus, on August 4, 2013, I initiated this personal challenge, set to conclude on November 20, 2013. My life coach and I curated a playlist—a collection of songs to lift me through moments of heartache and self-doubt.

Throughout the 90 days, I committed to nurturing activities: from regular workouts, karate, delving into self-help books to massages, attending 12-step meetings, and social gatherings. A standout moment was a BBQ gathering with my sailing friends, recounting adventures from our Sicilian trip and practicing the energizing 5 Tibetan Rites on my lawn.

One of my most cherished pursuits was the renewal of my bond with the piano, under the tutelage of a gifted Bulgarian instructor. Her faith in me rekindled my passion, spurring me to consistent daily practice.

However, on day 45, I confronted a significant hurdle. While vacationing with my 10-year-old son in St. Tropez, I asked him to wait for me in the hotel lobby. With him out of the room, I stepped onto the balcony and lit a cigarette—the last one from the pack. As soon as I had taken a few puffs, the room’s door opened, revealing my son, his face reflecting profound shock and dismay. This incident stirred memories of my teenage self when my cousin Daisy had discovered my secret stash and reacted with tears.

Seeing the sheer impact on my son, I made an instantaneous vow—the end of my smoking journey.

Luckily, my away-from-home setting proved conducive to quitting.

The beginning of this journey, although imperfect, was a journey of introspection, resilience, and self-love. It was more than just a commitment—it was an exploration of the potential within me. I proudly achieved my goal of not reaching out to my ex during this transformative period.