A professional coach discusses the importance of raising personal standards
We’ve all had the experience of coming across someone so beguilingly confident that we are left wondering how they got that way.
I came across such a person 15 years ago at a dinner party. The hostess had just offered me seconds. I was full, so I wanted to say “no,” yet I wanted to please her even more. So, ignoring my body, I said: “Sure, why not. Thank you.” After serving me the food, the hostess offered seconds to the beautiful 70-year-old woman seated next to me, who replied, “no, thank you,” with a calm certainty. Still smiling, the hostess moved on to the next guest.
The effect on me was powerful. I had never witnessed a “no” said with such serenity. In an instant, I yearned for this wise woman’s authenticity. I’ve often looked back on that moment and wondered how secure in herself she must have been. I’ve made progress on saying “no,” having worked on identifying and meeting my needs and establishing and maintaining boundaries. I now realize that for my “no” to come off with ease, it needs to be based on my personal standards.
Daniela Rusu is another person I met recently whom I admire for her high leadership standards.