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Forget willpower

Psychiatrist Dr. Jud Brewer says focusing on willpower is counterproductive when wanting to change our eating habits.

Instead, he says to embrace kindness and feeling good. Speaking to this is BJ Fogg’s maxim, “People change best by feeling good, not feeling bad.”

Your belief in willpower will do more harm than good.

And Dr. Brewer should know. He’s worked with hard-core addicts who commonly judge and shame themselves.

Dr. Brewer espouses the definition of addiction as: “continued use despite adverse consequences.”

So why would someone eat when not hungry?

To get rid of a craving, he says.

So how do we get rid of cravings?

Here is Dr. Brewer’s R.A.I.N. practice:

  • R = Recognize/realize: Pay attention. What do I get from this behavior?

  • A = Acceptance/Allow: Accept or lean into your craving.

  • I = Investigate: get curious about what it feels like in your body

  • N = Note: make a note mentally or on paper about how it feels

But what if I can’t control my behavior in the face of triggers: i.e. people, places and things.

  • You’re not going to avoid triggers.

  • Triggers are least important, as they don’t reinforce behaviors. Emotions reinforce behaviors. So focus on the reward. What are you getting from the behavior? Stress release?

But what about self-judgment? How does one get rid of that? Dr. Brewer says self-judgment is a blocker of curiosity. He advises to:

  • Allow space for self-compassion. Lean into kindness.

  • Ask yourself: “what am I getting from self-judgment?”

  • When you realize that self-judgement doesn’t feel good… Think of a time when someone was kind to you.

  • What does it feel like when you are kind to someone else?

  • What’s it like when you actually are kind to yourself and not self-indulgent such as when you overeat ice cream? Think of a time when you were actually meeting your needs. Indulgence is not self-kindness.

People often ask me how I am able to stay off sugar and alcohol. My answer? Getting rid of decision fatigue and embracing self-compassion.  If you’re looking to get fit and healthy in 2024, book a coaching session with me. I’ll help you get rid of your inner critic. You can read reviews at Diana O Coaching.

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